Trust.

Trust.
  Something I don’t have for someone. It’s so hard to trust anyone these days. What if they lied and turn out to just bite you in the butt in the end?

I’ve had so many friends just betray me. Or just turn out to be fake. Don’t even get me started on boyfriends. But what surprises me the most, some people can’t even trust their own FAMILY.  I can’t.

Pretty stupid, right?

What happened to being real and upfront? To being able to open up and not have to worry about whether you trusted the right person or not?

My great grandmother used to tell me stories about her childhood.  How she could go to bed and leave her window open and not have to think about it twice.  How everyone we friends with everyone. Everyone knew each other and helped each other out. They knew their neighbors by their first name. I don’t know anyone on my block. 

I wish things were like they used to be. It’s getting worse. Now younger people are killing each other. Families killing families. 

When I started to write this,I didn’t know where I was going with this. I’m honestly just venting and ranting.

I’m tired of this. I think this is why I would much rather read, write, and listen to music. Its all upfront. What you see, (or hear) is what you get. No catch. It’s there.

Trust.

Trust.
  Something I don’t have for someone. It’s so hard to trust anyone these days. What if they lied and turn out to just bite you in the butt in the end?

I’ve had so many friends just betray me. Or just turn out to be fake. Don’t even get me started on boyfriends. But what surprises me the most, some people can’t even trust their own FAMILY.  I can’t.

Pretty stupid, right?

What happened to being real and upfront? To being able to open up and not have to worry about whether you trusted the right person or not?

My great grandmother used to tell me stories about her childhood.  How she could go to bed and leave her window open and not have to think about it twice.  How everyone we friends with everyone. Everyone knew each other and helped each other out. They knew their neighbors by their first name. I don’t know anyone on my block. 

I wish things were like they used to be. It’s getting worse. Now younger people are killing each other. Families killing families. 

When I started to write this,I didn’t know where I was going with this. I’m honestly just venting and ranting.

I’m tired of this. I think this is why I would much rather read, write, and listen to music. Its all upfront. What you see, (or hear) is what you get. No catch. It’s there.

One little thing can change everything.

What one thing changed your life? And how did it change your life?

My Mom and Dad splitting up. Now, to you that may be nothing.”Oh boo freaking hoo, your parents aren’t together.” I would’ve had a different lifestyle. Maybe life would’ve been easier. Happier. 

My mom left my dad when I was four.  She ran to Washington to live with my grandma.  We lived there for a while. Then moved to Iowa, Idaho, Nebraska, and Oklahoma.  We moved almost every two years. During all that time and moving, I never saw or heard from my dad.

Not until I moved and stayed in Oklahoma. 

My dad thought we didn’t want anything to do with him.

But I wanted my dad. I wanted him in my life.

Hold on. Let me explain why. Just so you understand. 

To me, a Dad’s job is to love his daughter so much. To protect her from harm, and spoil her rotten. There’s just a bond there.  Its weird. But then again, it’s not. Its a God thing. I think God wants us to feel that way with our fathers. That they’re meant to protect us and love us unconditionally. So we can get an idea of just how much God loves us.

Anyways, but I finally got to meet my dad and spend time with him. It was crazy.  I felt safe, and secure.  Like he was what I was needing.  I spent so much time with him. I found myself laughing, and smiling more than ever. I don’t know. I was just happy. Blah.

But here comes my point.

All that time away from my dad, I never got to know my dads side of the family. All my uncles and aunts. I have 2 uncles and 5 aunts. My grandma? She speaks Spanish. I don’t know ANY. Do you know what it feels like to not be able to speak to your FAMILY? It makes you feel terrible.  I wish I could talk to my grandma. I don’t even feel like I belong. That’s ridiculous!

If my parents were still together and worked things out, like they should’ve, we would most likely still be in Colorado, and I would’ve grown up with my family .

Now I just got back and forth. I mostly stay at my mom’s. I see my dad every 4 or 5 months. No, I don’t like it. I wish I could see him more. But hey, at least I get to see him.

That’s the experience that changed my life.

Not much, but I’m not going into detail about my life. Too much, and no time. Plus, its personal. 

Anyways,
Merry Christmas Guys!(:

What To Do?…

I’m a very picky person. It takes me thirty minutes just to pick out a pair of shoes. I can never decide on what to wear to school; I have to pick the night before. I cannot decide on what to eat for lunch, I have my friends decide instead. It takes me FOREVER to pick a book to read.

 

So, how in the world am I supposed to decide on what I want to do with my life, and what I want to major in?

 

I remember growing up and thinking I could be anything. I wanted to be one of those chefs on tv. I used to stand in front of the mirror and pretend. My mother caught me multiple times. Later, I changed my mind. I wanted to be a vet. I wanted to help animals, I’m a huge animal lover. Well, I had a dog, a beautiful husky,  who had cancer. Long story short, we had to put her down. I didn’t know vets did that. So after that, I didn’t think I could be a vet. So I changed my mind again. I decided I wanted to be a singer. Well, I can’t sing. At all. So that was a no go. And I just kept on changing my mind from there.

 

But when you get closer to finishing high school, you get this idea you need to pick something. And I don’t know!

 

I recently wanted to attend a Christian based internship school. But they aren’t accredited. And it wouldn’t go towards my major. So I’m torn.

 

The Deaf community is a big part of my life. I love deaf people. So much. I grew up around deaf people, I’m a lot more comfortable with deaf people than hearing. Weird, I know. I just love their humor. They’re so understanding. I am pretty fluent in American Sign Language. That doesn’t mean I know all the signs though. Sometimes I mess up.  If I messed up on a sign, they’d just laugh it off and help me understand and fix it. Which is great! I could go on and on about how much I love the deaf community. But this post would be way too long.  So, of course I want to teach deaf kids, or start deaf ministry somewhere that doesn’t have it.

 

But not many colleges have that. Very few have deaf education. So I’m very limited.

 

I wish it was easy. Deciding on what you want to do. But of course, it’s life. It’s not going to be easy. There’s always a storm before the rainbow.

 

I’ll figure something out. I’ve got some time.

Real World Calling.

Senior year. The last year of high school. Sounds great, right? Well. Not for me. I am so stressed out. After I finish school, I’m moving to a whole new state. I’m going to attend a Christian based academy. Which is also somewhat expensive, and I’m not made out of money. So, I’m looking for a job. All my friends are leaving and moving on with life. What will happen to us? Will we still keep in touch? Will we forget each other over time? Will I be able to do things on my own? All these questions are ringing through my head.

 

It’s crazy how fast time flies and how much things can change. Freshman year, I was a short chubby girl, who was extremely shy. I would just pay attention in class and keep to myself. I was not a people person. I had a few friends. Few was enough for me. As long as I had real friends who were there for me. But time went by, and I changed and so did my friends. I can count on one hand how many of my old friends are still around. But it’s alright. Life does that to you. I still have my best friend from eighth grade. Now, I can carry a conversation with anyone. I don’t care anymore; if they don’t like me, or think I’m weird, then good for them. I’ve made new friends, amazing friends. I don’t regret anything.

 

I just wonder if we’ll still be in touch after school. I doubt it. People will get busy with life. Things will happen, good or bad, we’ll meet other people, and get caught up with our new worlds. It’s part of growing up. You can’t hold onto your friends, and home forever. Eventually you find a new home and new friends. A new life.

 

Do you know how hard that is? Or is it just me? To just get used to the idea of not having the people you grew up or lived with, around anymore?  Or to move to a whole new state? I don’t know about you but I’m nervous. I’m excited, but right now nervousness is taking over.

 

You have to grow up. And that’s scary. You’re not a little kid anymore. Can’t depend on mommy and daddy anymore. At least not as much. I know some people stay home after finishing high school, but I won’t. I want to go to places, I want to do amazing things. I want to help people. And I will.

 

I’m stressed out this year, but it’ll be worth it. I love that I’m growing up, but some parts I hate. But I’ll be okay. I can’t wait to see where life takes me.

Growing up is completely scary. I don’t really know how I feel about it anymore. I’m happy nervous, and completely scared. I want to do something more of my life. I don’t want to mess up. Sadly, everyone messes up at one point or two in their lives. I’m excited to grow up though. I finally get to be my own person. What bothers me though, is the thought of not being home anymore. Moving on. I’m one of those people who can’t just let go. I dwell. I know I will miss a lot of people. So many people. Mostly my best friends. I’ve grown especially close to one person, and she’s leaving after school too. Somewhere where I can’t see her. How can I live without my best friend? I have to move on. I know I’ll make new friends; but starting fresh, new, is hard. It’ll be a challenge. And I know I’m not the only one who feels like this. I read through some other blogs, just wanting to see how other people felt and I found something that really got to me. I found this quote  on Jenny’s Blog, that explains exactly how I feel. And I what I might feel like in the future.

Growing up is a part of life. Everyone goes through it. How you deal with it, is your choice. I’ll just stick with rolling with it. I’ve got a plan.

thisteenslife

Hello, my name is Ashley. This is a Teen’s Life. This blog is just about everyday life. A teenager’s life. I wanted to be able to share a little bit of my life, or anything that just seems like others would enjoy. Everyday little things, good or bad. Everyone’s is completely different. Well, This is mine.

 

I’m seventeen, and a senior in high school. I’m a sister, a daughter and a best friend. Like most people, I’ve gone through alot in life, and I’m not even halfway through it.

 

First off, I’m a CODA kid. CODA stands for Child/Children Of Deaf Adults. Deaf culture is a huge part of my life. My mother is completely deaf. Having a deaf mom isn’t easy. There are things you can’t do together. For example, I’m crazy in love with music, and I can’t share that with my mom. I remember, in elementary school, we’d have school plays, and my mom couldn’t keep up with the story, she didn’t know what was going on. Which, of course, wasn’t her fault. But we have bonded on multiple things, it was limited though. So my childhood was a bit different than most people’s. Don’t feel bad for me though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. My mother taught me that being different is okay and to work whatever life throws at you. I love being a CODA kid. Luckily, I’m not the only one. There are many deaf people. It doesn’t seem like it, but there are a lot. And where deaf people are, there are their kids. I even go to a camp where CODA kids can go. It’s nice knowing there are many CODA kids. It’s crazy how much we can have in common just because we have a deaf parent/parents.  I love the deaf community.

 

My family, well, my parents are divorced. My dad and mom split when I was four. They just didn’t work out. And that was it.  I have a wonderful step-mother. I have four sisters, I’m the oldest, no brothers, sadly.

 

Like I said before, I’m in high school, and everyone knows there’s always something going on, whether it’s with friends, or with school work. I also moved around a lot. So, I also know what it’s like to be the new kid.  So awkward.

 

God. He’s such a big part of my life. I have had so many people tear me down and disappoint me. God was always there. You may say he doesn’t exist. Go ahead. I believe what I want to believe in. I’ve always gone to him for everything. When I’m being stubborn about doing things on my own, he reminds me that I can’t do things alone.  I’m stubborn. I push people away. I keep people at arms length. It doesn’t matter whether they did something wrong or not. I’m so scared to have someone disappoint me. Again, that’s part of life. And I can’t go through life without God.

 

I love music, I always have an earbud in. I listen to Lana Del Ray, Paramore, Muse, Pixie Lott, He Is We, Lily Allen, Zedd, My Chemical Romance, Thriving Ivory, and many more. I wish I could play an instrument or sing. Sadly, I can’t do either. I’ll just leave it to others and enjoy it instead. What I love about music, is that, no matter what you’re feeling or what’s going on, music is like an escape.  Sometimes, I’ll be listening to a song, and it clicks , and I just fall in love.  Music is amazing.

 

I do have a love for photography though. I love being able to catch something beautiful. Finding truth in a picture, or just taking a picture of something so simple. I’ve been taking pictures for awhile, but I’m no professional. That’s part of life, growing and figuring out what you want to do for yourself.